I feel like this has been what's happening in my life at this season, which started as year 2015 unfolds. But before I go to that part, I would like to paint the whole picture for you, my dear reader, and it started with a break up last July 2013. It probably sounds cliche that sometimes you become someone you never expected to be after a break up. I was a typical Christian, satisfied with having a job, some friends at Church, and a boyfriend. I feel so blessed that I felt like I could live like that with life revolving around basic things that are satisfyingly good. However, without me knowing, God was planning another thing. It led to me and my ex breaking up and an emotional whirlpool consequently. It was hard to breakup with the man you thought you were going to marry when you are 25 years old, especially if you're breaking up with him at the age of 25. :) What would happen to my dream of marrying soon? Surely it doesn't take just 1 year to be with another man just so I could squeeze my plans of marrying in my self-plotted calendar. It was a season of crying and doubting and trying to move on. But I was thankful that God had a "moving on strategy" for me:
- He surrounded me with friends full of Godly wisdom
- He spoke directly to my soul through podcasts. Read how a couple miles away helped me move on without them knowing!
- He used my mess to be a message to the girls I was leading in my church group.
- He started a spark in my heart by speaking through a book "Sun Stand Still" which told me that God has something big for me to do, and what was happening to me at that season was to prepare me for it. He was taking out people and things, and He was adding another. That taking and adding were both blessings.
The fourth item was really what got me moving forward fast. I knew that just like any person aiming a goal, he has to submit to the preparation. Just as how an athlete trains hard everyday, depriving its flesh of its desires just to enable his body to be made close to perfect for his sport. Just as how a soldier is disciplined hard during training so that war would be a familiar environment once it comes. And it consoled me a lot that the hardships I was going through at that time were necessary to prepare me for that something big which I had no idea yet.
Year 2014 came bringing a theme of fire for the year. You may read this post to be inspired even when going through fire. I've gone through a lot of hardships which taught me important things like:
- Trials are actually situations you can be thankful about, rather than complaining about. Trials refine you like gold and sharpen you like iron making you mature.
- My life is not my own, and that should make me excited. I can't imagine how miserable my life would be if I'm in control of my own life... and that's based on experience. However God is in control.
- Enjoy whatever you face in life. Even if sometimes it causes you to eat or sleep less, or feel miserable or emotional, or get weary and hopeless... all these situations can be used for your good if you trust God.
I can't really summarize all the lessons I've learned from that year but somehow, those lessons changed a lot about my perspective as a 26-yr old single woman. Of course there were also great things that happened like being promoted, getting to travel to Vietnam for training, being sent all over Philippines to do my job and getting used by God for a short-term mission trip in Medan, Indonesia.
Then 2015 came, the year of the unfolding. First day of the year, I felt a spark in my heart to travel. It was like a zing when you meet someone you are attracted to for the first time. But this time, this zing happened when I think I have seen a glimpse of my purpose in life. The days ahead did not dry from the same spark... actually the spark continued to grow until it is now a fire, due to confirmations from God as prompts in my heart. Everyday, I would dream of travelling. I would beg God to do something. Sometimes I would surrender the whole dream to Him just to make sure it's not eating me. But I wake up the next day still in faith for the same thing I have surrendered.
My only problem with this vision is that it seems too self-serving. The burning desire was to travel but I could not link it with advancing the kingdom of God. Missionaries do by staying in a country to soak with the people there as they establish or plant a church. However, I wasn't leaning to that, although it is a noble cause that I believe in. But one thing's sure, it's gonna be fulfilled by traveling. I was already planning on a 12-month trip around the world. Yes, as in quit my job and just explore. But money is a big problem so I also forming Plan b which is to work abroad to fund my travel. That's my own mind trying to control the situation.
However, the purpose unfolds more as recently, my heart resolved that I want to do aid work in United Nations. My heart was burning the highest one day when I realized I'm called to pour out my life to the nations by being sent to places where others may be afraid of going to. I have the least idea about aid work but I'm sure that it is hard. But hey, that's why I spent the whole 2014 learning about hardships, right? :) A friend whom I've contacted who also works for United Nations wisely asked me the 1st important question: "Are you sure?" And I was pretty sure I am.
So as of today, April 15, that's what's in my heart. (to be continued...)
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