When Attacked Emotionally

I thought it was just the time of the month when the women hormones manifest big time. March 29 was quite a busy day, leaving home at Pque at 8am, prepare some spiel for the Tithes and Offerings exhortation, 11 am service, lunch with the girls, Eizza's baby shower, final exam at RTU and review for my 2nd certification exam for Microsoft. But the ending of my very fruitful day is furthermore sweet was I was expecting to go home with my family. However for some strange randomness, it took so long for a Boni Derecho jeepney to arrive for me to ride to EDSA. Even worse is that it took an hour (I feel like it was that long) for me to ride an air-condition bus going to Bicutan. Not that there wasn't any that passes by. But the first one drove by without even stopping for me. Had to wait some more time and I also missed the second bus. I think I was already out of my mind to see 2 more pass by without stopping for me. I can't describe the betrayal I feel when I was so excited to go home and yet I cant get a ride.

Right at that moment I was already have tantrum-like thoughts towards God. I know that He could've done in His sovereign power some normal thing so that at least one of those 4 buses stopped by for me. I was already shouting in my heart, wanting to cry, doubting God's love. I couldn't believe I was starting to doubt God's love again for me just because I couldn't get a ride home. Finally when I was already forcing my tears to fall so I can release some hurt and disappointment at least, a bus stopped for me. I was so emotionally stressed that I was crying in the bus. All I can remember is myself saying I'm so tired... Tired of the too many things I'm doing, tired of all the challenges and testing, tired of the disappointments given to me by other people (yeah that's very specific to AJ and BJ backing out from our Sagada trip). I'm emotionally and physically tired.

I got to SM Bicutan and went to Zagu for a comfort drink but as kind of expected, they're already closed. I went to Bon Appetea because I really wanted a comfort drink to calm me down. But they don't have pearls. It was such a big deal that my expectations weren't met by a lot of things/people.

When I get home the drama still continued and I still kept on crying to God. But at the end of it I was thankful to God for my wonderful emotions. I was asking for forgiveness for my emotional tantrums. And the experience is over.

So I thought. How timely that in the book I was reading...

There are several points that arise from any analysis of the Fall narrative and Eden... 

Third, the underlying impulse of that external force is aimed at undermining and despoiling God's handiwork, and its chief weapons are the assertion of autonomy and DOUBT OF GOD'S LOVE.

The enemy got me there. I doubted God's love. And I realized it wasn't just a hormonal attack but an attack of the enemy. But I know that I'm over it because I feel God's love so much today. I passed the certification that I only reviewed for 1 day. God's grace! Love you Lord!