Mornings are Important

I love this morning. It's not a perfect one--I feel pressure and sadness and discouragement still but I love how God can use my mornings to remind me that He's just here for me. My alarm clock is set to repeatedly wake me up at 5am but I would always wake up earlier than that so I could have time to set my heart right as early by reading my morning devotions or just by whispering my thoughts to God in prayer. :)

Then I would prepare for work -no rush, just easy and listen to podcasts that would really address the issues of my heart for the day. And then I would arrive to my workplace 30-45mins before 8am when the place is still really dark (lights off) and there are not many people yet. And I would use that quiet time to be intimate with the Lord in prayer. :)

And I just realize now how blessed I really am with my new workplace because my purposes of transferring to a new work environment is being met--which is really so I could practice having back my spiritual discipline (prayer and reading and hearing the Word) and eventually have it become my lifestyle once again. :)

My new work is very challenging though to the point that I really feel disqualified to meet my team's requirements. However, I know that this is a way for me to see God's goodness. He is good. :')

Wrestling with God

I can't help but write this post after reading Jacob's story about wrestling with God in my daily devotion this morning. I know that it's threatening to write a personal experience in a public blog like this but I just feel like God wants me to expose my current learning experience.

Genesis 32:22-32 tells about Jacob wrestling with a man whom he later found out was actually God. Jacob fought so hard like a man  who wouldn't allow him to be overpowered. And because Jacob wouldn't concede, God broke Jacob's hip so he would limp. Jacob did not let this man go until he was blessed. And right there God changed the name of Jacob to "Israel" because of that encounter. Jacob was never the same again.

I don't really care about the theology of this story and the details whatsoever. I just wanted to write because I very much relate to Jacob. I have a recent "wrestling with God" experience and guess what? Like Jacob, I didn't win. It was funny looking back to the past months when all the struggling happened. God wanted me to do something that I just thought then was really stupid. The urge was so STRONG and FREQUENT yet I thought I was strong enough to  shrug it off, steady my mindset and move on as if everything was okay. I was offering God an alternative to what he wanted me to do. I bargained and I delayed, simply because what God wanted me to do was very costly and difficult and painful. Although I would never win against God, I still fought just to see how long I could delay it. Until he broke something in me that left me no choice but to finally surrender, like how he broke something in Jacob that made him stop fighting. God knew that I gotta hurt now and force me to obey him (I'm thankful that he forced me to obey him) rather than keep fighting him and suffer a greater consequence in the future.

I'm not very proud to say that I had a wrestling encounter with God. It's always more "Christian" to share stories of obedience, PROMPT obedience that is. But what comforts me is how Jacob's wrestling with God ended. I know that I my name wouldn't change like Jacob's. What I'm looking forward to is that JACOB NEVER WALKED THE SAME AGAIN because of his injury. This wrestling with God caused him to change. And I'm dearly praying that I would have that same change. I got something broken and I hope that it would cause me to walk differently. And this would forever remind me of God's dominance over my life.

Jacob heard blessings from God right after their fight. I wish that I could also hear something directly from God's voice that could help me walk on by despite of my limp. But I know He has not left me, that as I walk, he carries me through. I also know that the succeeding events in Jacob's story is his reconciliation with his enemy brother Esau who longs to kill him. A victory. And it reminds me of the DIP which means that a valley is always sandwiched by two mountains (peaks/high). And it's  encouraging to know that there's a coming victory ahead of this experience.

So if you feel like God has something he wants you to do, just do it. Because even if you fight, you'll still have to eventually do it. But even if you've done it, don't dig deeper into your pit. Remember that you will never be the same after God touches you.

Christ alone, Cornerstone.

Sundays have again become my favorite days since aside from getting fed with the Word of God through the preaching in the services and the worship experience, I also get encouraged as I help other girls get to know Christ better.

This day started with a reminder from Andy Stanley's preaching podcast in Elevation Church's series Christ Alone with the title "Whole World" which was about how to manage the tension of maintaining hope in a hopeless situation. Do you still persevere with your hope or just give it up? I realized that there are very significant areas of my life in which I have put the ladder of my hope to a wall aside from the unshakable cornerstone of God. And now that those walls are shaking, my hopes are also starting to fall apart. It was a great realization as I have decided to put my hopes back to God.

How timely it is as well that the worship song during the 11 am service is one of the songs that have captured my heart although i havent really heard it being sang in Victory Pioneer before. I have only listened to a part of it during the transition period in one of the podcasts I've heard from Elevation. It was like a confirmation that it was no mistake that I'm consciously putting my hope again back to God. Practically, it's not very easy to apply the "put your hope in God" in my everyday life as I have expectations from other people as well. But God reminds me that even I expect others to do what they're supposed to do, my satisfaction and reward should come from Him alone. Because it's not that i should stop believing in other people's potential, but it's having peace knowing that even their kinetic can happen through God's grace alone.

God and I smile :)

I made God smile today and God made my heart smile a hundred times more. :) Didn't expect that my last day in Smart would be so meaningful in different ways..

1st, the team had a mini celebration since we are 3 in the team celebrating our birthdays this July, plus of course to make my last day memorable. It wasnt the usual gathering as our General Manager (Sir Jeng) and the Department Head (Sir Ardy) actually joined us :) It was a fun time with the team and I really felt touched when Sir Jeng gave me a box of Ferrero Rocher. It was my first time to receive a grand pack of chocolates. ^^

We took more photos and I finally said goodbye and punched my last time-out. I headed to World Trade Center to find items I could use in my new work. I found, too an iPhone that must have been forgotten in the washroom. I took it having the confidence that i would return it without hesitation. Although I admit that it was VERY VERY TEMPTING to just keep it for myself and sell it so I could have an extra encome (that definitely crossed my mind) to add up to my shortening budget for the dear month of July, I chose to keep my integrity intact. :) Besides, to make God smile is worth immeasurably more than keeping (or spending) a few thousands of cash.

I attended the Yout Service and was equally blessed to have my compassion for the youth stirred up and to see my church friends. Eca, Charm and I also had a dinner-movie date at Eca's place. The husband of the phone's owner dropped by Eca's place too so i could hand him his wife's phone. He in turn gave us a little token of more sweets to show his thankfulness. I just felt refreshed to have blessed another person for God's glory. And although I myself am in need, I'm not gonna use other's loss to my advantage. I would never live up to the Holy Spirit's conviction otherwise.

And that's how colorful and relational this day was. Lord, it's my delight to please you.

Bye Smart

I have decided to use an iOS diary application to help me journal everyday. It's called Grid Diary and I aim to publish here what I'm gonna be writing there (well that's still depending on my content's confidentiality).

It's my 2nd to the last day of work at Smart today. I admit that my heart is not there anymore. But the thought of me leaving something I have been with for the past two years is pretty saddening. I started to take photos of the people and places in smart :) I also accomplished my last requirement which is the ID pictures. I have already brought home items that are kept in the cabinet. And despite this things going on, of course I'm still missing Mac. Sorry had to mention :p

Well tomorrow I aim to finish doing the clearfile on resignation. July birthday celebrators of Smart's Messaging Services team have a little treat for the group at lunch... Will serve as my despedida party as well. My ultimate goal tomorrow? Feel my last day as if it's God's one of the most significant blessings in my life. :)

That's it for today. Tomorrow I'll detail why i had to leave Smart. :)