When I'm not as strong as I usually am

It's like a challenge-bomb dropped over me this week. And coming from yet another seriously stormy previous week, I feel like I'm starting to have my inner strength knocked out. I guess I'm being tested to the limits as to how long I can hold my breath up from the life-squeezing stresses of my pretty little life. And I wanna be honest, I'm reaching my threshold I need some more buffer or else... 

So how timely I've been learning about this chatterbox, or the everyday thoughts running around our head which greatly affects how we face our day, and eventually our lifetime if we dont crash it. Yeah it's general because basically a human brain thinks of 80% negative thoughts everyday (according to studies, according to Pastor Steven)... And I can so much relate because I can start to recognize the voices in my head which I need to crash.

So this week, I just think that if only...

I could be as relationally smart enough,

as mentally witty enough,

as more insightful enough,

as faster in deliberating things,

as more accurate in making decisions,

then...

I would be efficient enough to do the work I'm tasked to do,

I would be more useful as a tool to help my family financially and emotionally,

I would be more radiant as a light around me,

I would be encouraging enough.

But I really feel the battlefield in my mind is becoming more intense as I feel the real arrows of the enemy hitting my belief about my identity, destiny and value. :( 

Lord, time for you to come in your shining armour. I know I need to hear the right voices so please tune me in and save from myself because the enemy is in me.

How to Move On from Losing Everything (Almost!)

I stood there in front of our burnt house watching the workers as they shovel remained pieces of my family's possessions. I usually don't stay under the sun but its heat didn't stop me from staring blankly as I try to recognize dresses by their remaining cloths and books by their burnt up pages. I dreamt of having my own mini library and started investing in books during my 1st year in college. I have also started to appreciate the beauty of my femininity by investing in clothes. Yes I stood there watching my investments go down the ground covered in black but I feel like I haven't lost them... like somehow My God above can provide in even multiple folds what I seem to have lost.

What's illogical about me is that although my family lost the house where we've been staying in since I was born (25 years ago), I don't feel any remorse aside from feeling sorry that my parents might take the loss too much seriously. From the time I got the news last Monday (Feb 10, 2104) afternoon, I was a little shocked but was quickly able to recover. When my office-mates saw me at work after the incident, they seemed amaze that I was still able to smile after what happened. I've been getting a lot of messages too from people from concerned people who heard what happened asking me "How are you?" and there no other face and response I can show but a smile and startling statement "I'm good," or "I'm fine, really." And even I myself am wondering how I could so easily move on from a loss that others take as tragic. Here's my attempt to put into words how my heart managed to move forward:

1. God promised me. It was in the year 2011 when I got a promise from the Lord that he will provide a house for my household. When I received it, I know it was specific for my family (Mama and Papa and brother). Been 3 years now since that promise but if Abraham was able to wait 25 years for the promise God gave him, I'm sure I can, too. My plea though is for God to send it while my parents are still in their good years, when they can still enjoy a new place. And even as I listed that as one of the top faith goals I have for this year, God sends me a fire to burn up where we are currently living in. I couldn't help but remind God more in faith about his promise now that we're needing it badly. And so I could smile because I know He will provide. I just know.

This reminder that "God has a promise" should carry you through times when you feel you're losing something you should be gaining more. Remember that He who promised is faithful. 

2. Better things are waiting. We celebrate when we receive something good and usually, losing something good calls for a mourning. But in the 25 years of my existence, 8 of which are years that I walked with the Lord, I've learned that we should always be thankful in all circumstances! Which translates to thanking God when we get something, and with the same breath thank God when we lose something! I can only do this by believing in my heart that there's something better God has in store for me. Indeed, in the past days since me and my family lost our not so many but important material possessions, God has been using people to give us items that replenished some of which were lost.

Remember that He is a God who wants the best for you! So if something was taken from, regardless if it was God's hands that did it or He just allowed the enemy to pick on you, be confident that what was taken can and will be replaced by something better if you'll claim it by faith!

3. Your Test can be your Testimony if you respond well. Everything that happens, whether good or bad, can turn to a story that will encourage and lift up other people's faith if I respond in a way that will glorify God. And right at that night after I received the bad news, I resolved to surrender to God the situation and that I may be used so others will know that God is good... hence the genuine smiles and good spirit that I show when people ask me how I am. This is not pretending that everything is okay, but rather your inside peace from the Prince of Peace showing on the outside.

Remember Joseph in the Bible? It was an evil thing that his brothers sold him to be brought to Egypt as a slave. But even this bad thing was turned into a testimony of God's hands working to save nations because Joseph chose to honor God instead of blaming and turning his back on him.

3. I'm Prepared! When I received from God the Word that will describe my 2014 (read it here), I didn't shrug the possibility that it could be a literal fire. Although I prayed that he exempt that, that resolved in my heart to surrender my life this year to whatever he wants to do. And there was it, a literal fire, but the good thing is that I was prepared to face it! I think God has just started to trust that I could make it through a different kind of difficult thing this year. And He's definitely right, I can make it because of well... HIS GRACE!

And so if you've just gone through the difficult time, maybe a loss like mine or a loss of a loved one or a valued relationship, one thing is required of you... TRUST GOD and know that He also TRUSTS YOU that you can make it through alive and better! :)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. -James 1:2-4