When I'm not as strong as I usually am

It's like a challenge-bomb dropped over me this week. And coming from yet another seriously stormy previous week, I feel like I'm starting to have my inner strength knocked out. I guess I'm being tested to the limits as to how long I can hold my breath up from the life-squeezing stresses of my pretty little life. And I wanna be honest, I'm reaching my threshold I need some more buffer or else... 

So how timely I've been learning about this chatterbox, or the everyday thoughts running around our head which greatly affects how we face our day, and eventually our lifetime if we dont crash it. Yeah it's general because basically a human brain thinks of 80% negative thoughts everyday (according to studies, according to Pastor Steven)... And I can so much relate because I can start to recognize the voices in my head which I need to crash.

So this week, I just think that if only...

I could be as relationally smart enough,

as mentally witty enough,

as more insightful enough,

as faster in deliberating things,

as more accurate in making decisions,

then...

I would be efficient enough to do the work I'm tasked to do,

I would be more useful as a tool to help my family financially and emotionally,

I would be more radiant as a light around me,

I would be encouraging enough.

But I really feel the battlefield in my mind is becoming more intense as I feel the real arrows of the enemy hitting my belief about my identity, destiny and value. :( 

Lord, time for you to come in your shining armour. I know I need to hear the right voices so please tune me in and save from myself because the enemy is in me.